WEBVTT

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[piano music]

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- While you're at college,

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you'll have a lot of
relationships to navigate.

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Although most people think of

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just a few types
of relationships,

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you'll really be balancing
a number of relationships

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throughout your life.

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During college, your roommate,
classmates,

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professors, and administrators

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will all play an important role
in your experience.

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At the same time, you may be
trying to stay in touch

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with friends, family,

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or maybe a boyfriend
or girlfriend who's far away.

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You may also be interested

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in developing a new romantic
relationship at college.

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Establishing and maintaining
relationships

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is something to work on
during your college career

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and throughout your life.

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It's important to be able
to navigate

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complex relationships and be
intentional with your approach.

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What does it mean to be
intentional?

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Good question.

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When you're intentional
in your relationship,

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you not only understand
your values;

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you also understand what is
important to you

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in a relationship.

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To have healthy relationships,

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it's important that you know
what you value in yourself,

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in others, and in the community
as a whole.

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If you were to pick
just three values as your guide,

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what would they be?

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- I think one of the most
important values

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in creating a healthy
relationship would be

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having a reciprocal
relationship,

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a relationship where both people
are giving

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instead of one person
taking more than the other.

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- You have to be able to respect
whoever your significant other

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or your friend is,
respect them as a person,

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respect their opinions,
respect everything about them

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in order to get along

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and generally have
a healthy relationship.

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- The qualities
that come to mind

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that I think are applicable
to any relationship

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is transparency,

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trust, and patience.

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- Trust--I think that's one of
the biggest things,

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because if people
can't trust each other,

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then they can't really open up
to each other

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and get to know each other.

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- And then definitely just
trust,

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because, I mean, that's more of
a significant other

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and a friend type of thing,

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because if someone's
your friend,

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then you really need to be
able to

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hold that person accountable
for what you tell them

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and know that they won't say
anything to anyone else

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or know that they'll always
be there for you.

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- Being authentic
in a relationship

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means being honest with yourself
and others.

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An authentic person
is genuine, real,

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and has a strong sense
of integrity.

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- A mutual relationship is one
where there is respect

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and support that goes both ways.

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Each person recognizes
the inherent dignity

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of the other.

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A caring relationship
includes kindness

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and mutual concern for
each other's health and safety.

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Care for everyone's well-being

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is central
to our campus community.

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If a relationship isn't
authentic, mutual, and caring,

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why have it?

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[phone rings]

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- Hey, Justin.
What's up?

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- Building and maintaining
healthy relationships

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requires developing
certain skills,

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like open and honest
communication.

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- Oh, I should be there
any minute now.

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I'm just getting in the car
to pick you up.

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- Trust is built when you
communicate openly and honestly

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and show your respect
for others.

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- Yeah, don't worry.
I won't be late.

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I'm turning
onto Main Street now.

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Okay, see you in a sec.

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- You liar.

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You're not turning
onto Main Street right now.

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- It's no big deal.
I'll drive fast.

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He'll never know the difference.

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- Maybe not, but you will,
and I will.

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- A trusting relationship with
open and honest communication

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shows that you value yourself
as well as the other person.

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Forming relationships
is a process.

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So know what you value
and know your boundaries.

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Everyone has boundaries,
lines you don't cross.

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There are emotional, physical,
even spiritual boundaries.

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Relationships also have
a power dynamic.

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In work relationships,
power's not equal.

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In healthy personal
relationships,

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the power is equal, although not
in every single day.

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Some days you might give up
your power,

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like when you're sick
and someone takes care of you.

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Other days,
someone might take your power.

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And you may be stuck wondering
how to get it back.

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[knocking at door]

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- Hey.

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Ready for some
organic chemistry?

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- Hey, something came up.

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Can we do this some other time?

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- Why?

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You're not seeing Hank again
today, are you?

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We said we were gonna study
before the test.

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I help you.
You help me.

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That's what we do, right?

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Friends help each other.

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What's with the little scarf
and sweatpants combo there?

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Some kind of dress code
at the gym I didn't know about?

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- You know what they say.

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- No.
What do they say?

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- A bear, however hard he tries,
grows tubby without exercise.

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- [laughs]

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Who said that?

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- Winnie the Pooh.

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- Nice.

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Wait a second.

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- What?

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- Something going on?

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- What?
No. Why?

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- Why are you wearing
the scarf and sweatpants?

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Really.

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- No reason.

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- Then why are you hiding
your neck?

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- It's no big deal.

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Not really.

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- Then show me your neck.

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No big deal?

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How is that no big deal?

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Your fiancé, Hank.

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Did--he did this.
Did he choke you?

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- We had a fight.

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It was my fault.

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- How is it your fault?

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Oh, I'm sorry my neck got
in the way of your stranglehold.

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That's it.

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I'm getting you away
from this guy.

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I'm not gonna stand around
and watch you do nothing.

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- Domestic violence
and dating violence

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are two examples of the abuse
of power in a relationship.

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These behaviors can be physical,
like slapping,

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hitting,
or punching.

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They can also be verbal,
like put-downs,

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threats to hurt you, your pets,
or others that you care about,

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or telling you who you can
spend time with

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or where you can go.

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The abuse can also be sexual
in nature.

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A wide variety of behaviors make
up domestic and dating violence.

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See the links next to this video
to view how your institution

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defines domestic
and dating violence.

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Resources also include
access to law enforcement

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both on and off campus,

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and your institution
can assist you

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with filing a police report
and with getting assistance

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in an obtaining
an order of protection

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or a restraining order
if you so desire.

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Do not hesitate to go after
the help you need.

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If you are a witness or know
someone who is being abused,

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there are many ways to help.

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Reach out.

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Victims often to do not seek
help for a number of reasons.

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Your involvement can make
a positive difference.

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A relationship
in which violence plays a part

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is not a healthy relationship.

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Here are a few idea
of how you can help.

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Let your friend know
you're concerned

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about his or her safety.

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What your friend
is going through is not right.

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Let your friend know
you want to help.

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Be supportive.
Listen to your friend.

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Keep in mind that it may be
very hard for your friend

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to talk about the abuse.

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Offer specific help.

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Maybe you offer
to go with your friend

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to see the police, go to court,
or to a shelter.

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If there are children,
offer to care for them

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so your friend can go seek help.

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Don't place shame, blame,
or guilt on your friend.

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Instead of telling your friend
what he or she needs to do,

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tell your friend how the abuse
makes you feel.

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Don't say,
"You just need to leave."

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Instead, you could say,

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"I get scared thinking about
what might happen to you."

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You could also help your friend
develop a safety plan

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that includes picking a place to
go and packing important items.

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And whether your friend
gets out of

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or stays in
an unhealthy relationship,

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be supportive.

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Be a friend.

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Listen at all times
and help when you can.

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Building a campus community

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is about identifying the actions
or inaction

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that contribute
to unhealthy relationships

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as well as knowing how to
maintain and develop

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healthy relationships.